A mysterious morning unravels the dark thoughts of my life like someone plucking the petals of half grown flower. We wake up everyday with new mission in our minds but there is always that "one thing" , which even after years of masking up can't be kept hidden . That "one thing" is different for everyone for it can be something as silly as the dress I dint get to wear which occupied my brain all day or it can be as huge as going through social sites, searching specifically persons who have better life then you can ever have, yet you wanted to go through that pain. It happens to everyone at one point of time , some people go through it frequently as compared to others.
Again that "one thing" is not only dedicated to a thing or person but also to situation or thought which has taken permanent seat in the corner of our brain and whenever we feel we have survived the worst, it comes back like thrashing waves against shores. It bleeds out all the reasoning and fogs it mercilessly with its pain.
Today I felt it same way which I have been trying to cover up all these years. I went through digital reunion of my schoolmates ,first it felt indifferent but later as I went through their perfect lives I undoubtedly started comparing it to mine. Every single cell shattered to one thought of me not having as glamourous of life as them. Even my new pair of t-shirts and slumber pants cannot be compared to theirs. Top notch brands, picture perfect trips, on point make-up, forever claimed to be influencer-looking friends, showcase of wealth and no doubts of career bleach ,made me feel so small in my own eyes ,made me question my existence, my worth and myself as whole.
More than being angry with myself I was sad because these were the people who talked to me alone but never with their friends because they didn't want to be seen with me, these were the same people who might have seen me from distance and their glances asked me questions but never made an effort to say hello. They brushed past me like I wore an invisible Cloak of Harry Potter. It aches because they are happy and I am not ,they led a perfect life when I wanted to just escape the humiliation.
Is it selfish to wish for perfect life? Is it pathetic to feel so insignificant that you want to hide someplace no one can reach to you?
Well , some wise person would say "C'est la vie" meaning this is life and it is the way it is.
People hurt other people even when they know about it ,maybe its sadist but aren't we all a bit sadistic ,trying to comfort our wounds with the help of other persons tears??
Yet, however sad you are, there is always hope …..
Live On. No judgements. Only spread Love!!!